Anxiety is a common response to change, we all deal with it, but as parents it can be hard to navigate our kids through it. “If anxiety is not recognized and goes untreated, it can have effects on all aspects of a child’s life – like school performance, ability to socialize, and general well-being,” Dr. Jenkins warns.
What Can Parents Do to Help Their Kids With School Anxiety?
Dr. Braaten says the first thing parents need to do to help their kids through school anxiety is to name and acknowledge what they’re feeling. “Parents need to remember that anxiety is actually a healthy emotion — it is the emotion that tells us something isn’t right,” she continues. “The most important thing to teach your child is to make sure the anxiety matches the threat.”
In terms of actionable steps that parents can take to help their child navigate school anxiety, the experts offer seven tips:
- Understand the source.“It is important to understand the source of the anxiety; if there is something happening at school, such as bullying, then you need to deal with that directly,” Dr. Mezulis says. “Often there is not — the child is simply anxious — but we don’t want to miss a solvable problem.”
- Regularly attend school. “It is very important that your child returns to school even if they are feeling anxious,” Dr. Jenkins shares. “School anxiety is reinforced the longer a child stays out of school, so this is another area where it is necessary that parents intervene.”
- Don’t accidentally reinforce. “If your child is not able to attend school, ensure [the] home is comfortable,” Dr. Jenkins says, “but not unintentionally reinforcing the habit of staying home (such as having unlimited snacks, video games, or time with parents).”
- Have a few dry runs. “For children new to school, we recommend doing dry runs of school days to familiarize the child with the new routine,” Dr. Mezulis suggests. This involves actually driving to the school, getting out, and going to the front door.
- Set small goals. “Small goals might be things such as handing your homework to the teacher when you walk in the door; identifying what you’re going to do at recess (play on the bars, walk three laps around the playground); one social activity (say hi to a certain kid),” Dr. Mezulis explains. “Something that is small and obtainable can build confidence.”
- Offer a small reward. “I don’t recommend bribing children to go to school, but having a small reward at the end of the week — a family movie night or going out for ice cream — can be a nice way to celebrate your child pushing through the anxiety and being successful with school attendance that week,” Dr. Mezulis says.
- Develop an anxiety toolbox. “It can be a physical box where they put things that help them with anxiety,” Dr. Jenkins says. “The box may include a family photo, a nice-smelling soap, a puzzle, and reminders of coping skills like box breathing or a grounding technique.”
When supporting your child through their school anxiety, “parents need to thread that needle carefully,” Dr. Mezulis says. You want to make sure that you’re validating and respecting your child’s anxiety, but also ensuring that it does not dominate their life to the point of avoidance (like refusing to go to school altogether).
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